I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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