I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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