I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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