I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
