After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
