shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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