i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
