i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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