Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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