she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
