Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
