Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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