There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
