I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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