I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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