just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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