I bet he comes in French.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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