Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
