Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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