he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
