WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize