i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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