i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
