im having a threesome with these popsicles
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
