By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
