hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
