508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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