My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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