I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
