There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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