In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
