She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You took a bar mat shot.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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