go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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