I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
