Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
