what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
