I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
