We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
