Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
