Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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