Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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