Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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