Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize