Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
