Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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