I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think my moral compass just broke
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
