haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
