the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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