she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
