Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
