So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
