He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
