dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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