I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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