Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
