yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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