I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
