you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
