i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
