It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
