You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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