I'm lost and stupid without you.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
