i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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