It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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