Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
