I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
