i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
no you cant smoke seaweed
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
