all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
