the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
