Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
