I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
