I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
