the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
