Sry I called you an 8
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
