you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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