Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
