I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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