Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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