After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
As shirtless as possible
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
