shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
