At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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