im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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