I CAN MOONWALK!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize