i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
