I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
