Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
