Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
