I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
