She is in my trunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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