my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
