Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize