come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
