I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
