Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
