you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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