she looked like the bat from fern gully.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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