i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
