I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
