You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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