my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
