He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
