Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
